JESSIE JONES

I have recently been reading the Starr report on Bill Clinton and Monica Lewensky – so far I have come to the conclusion that Monica was just a young girl who was excited over having attention from the man she had had a crush on – not only was he the handsome older, more experienced man – but he also happened to be the President of the United States (which it is my understanding is practically Royalty to Americans)…but then you can’t really blame her – in any given situation if the object of your crush pays you attention its very flattering and you are bound to get a little excited and overwhelmed… so as far as I can see there was nothing unusual about her excitement – although it was a shame that he was married and she had to play the part of the ‘mistress’ at 23.
 
But this started me thinking about the whole sex scandal thing and how if you’ve ever picked up a sex education book it may say in the preface that before practicing any positions you should make sure that the sexual laws of your country allow that particular position. – This leads me to believe that apparently most countries must have a sexual code of conduct.  But how do you find out what these laws are for your particular country and how would you establish the lines of something like that?
 
You can just imagine the conversation – all the world’s great leaders are sat round a table with the Karma Sutra opened infront of them.  It would be like a game of cards where the world’s leaders would fight for the correct positions that would make their country men/women happy enough to want to vote for them when election time comes round, although not upset their religious beliefs.
 
By most accounts there are 193 countries in the world – so let’s say that each of these 193 world leaders get given cards with numbers on (these cards are previously shuffled before being passed out).
 
Each leader would bring their leading sex specialists to the meeting and an exchange of information take place from one country to another and is consequently numbered, named and listed on a board.  Then for clarification to the leaders that may not have seen some positions there would be two males and two females to demonstrate the moves – one male and female would test out positions for hetrosexuals and two males and two females would demonstrate the positions for  the gay couples,  as in fairness, everybody’s needs have to be taken into consideration.
 
I imagine each world leader would get about 15 cards each with a number on them, all the numbers would be mixed up – some may even have duplicate numbers – then the real fun stats and the leaders try and throw away the cards they don’t want – and in return acquire the cards they do want – just like an elaborate game of poker.  Can you imagine the conversation over this one…
 
‘Has anyone got 34? – I’ll swap it for 67’

‘Why on earth would you want 34 – it doesn’t look too easy’

‘Yeah I know, but as I think I did it last week with the wife I had better make it legal in my country!’
 
Then the questions to the demonstrators…
 
‘Excuse me luv but can you show us position 79 again, I need to know if it’s a card worth keeping – of course it’s all purely educational you know’
 
… and so it goes on.
 
But then, after the positions have been settled on, a penalty has to be put in place as a warning to those who try and break the rules e.g. the Muslim countries would immediately need to decide what organs will be removed.  The rest of the countries that don’t believe in the death penalty will decide how long the prison time would be and the countries that do believe in the death penalty need to decide if the remaining positions are worth dying over or if a prison term would suffice.
 
Then they have to decide how to educate their people about these positions.   In Europe kids are having sex as young as 12 and in some cases younger – some would say the time a child loses their virginity is the time for them to be fully sexually educated – but surely 11/12 is too young to get this type of information? – Its obviously too young to have sex but once it is done it’s done – also if the law is broken by a minor they are usually just reprimanded – another thing to bear in mind is that kids of that age would probably be in fits of laughter over embarrassment of seeing positions laid out in front of them, and having to go through a sex education class with their teacher.
 
Now, suppose we left the discussion till the kids were 17/18 and along with a pack of condoms they were handed a leaflet of the positions they were allowed to carry out in their country as adults.  At an age where most parents are encouraging their kids to be spontaneous and creative this could prove somewhat restrictive!  - Then again if they get handed a leaflet of positions that were illegal – but this could just possibly fuel their creative process and suggest unthought of positions – leading to more hot water.
 
Another thing that should be bourne in mind is who does the ‘talk’ – should it be done by the schools or the parents? – a lot of parents (especially single parent families, where the child is the opposite sex to the parent) can’t seem to face the concept of the basic birds and bees chat – now their Government wants them to have the birds, bees, condom and legal positions chat.
 
So now the countries have the positions they find permissible, they have decided how old the child should be before having this information, they have decided who gives the chat, they have decided the country’s penalty for failure to adhere to the rules.  But, how does all get monitored?
 
First of all you have to also decide if it is the law of the country that he/she was born in or the law of the country that the person presently lives in that hold the rules you follow.
 
Say someone is born in Islam and moves to America – do they follow the rules of their birth country or the country that they presently live in – as lets face it America is likely to have freer rules than Islam.  – Then again, for a mixed race relationship, who gets to choose which rules to follow and which country – Him? Her? or would it be the country that had the preferred positions – or the country that had the most restrictive rules?
 
You have to bear in mind that the Muslim countries are bound to have more restrictions than the rules of a European country and then again, there’s the Asian countries – India - the place of origination of the Karma Sutra and there’s Bangkok (there’s a reason that song was written ‘one night in Bangkok and the world’s your oyster…’) – in Asia, everything seems to go.
 
Now, back to the monitoring of it – I mean who would and how would you go about this gem of a task? – Two consenting adults have sex, experimenting and being creative with one another – if they are enjoying themselves they are hardly likely to turn to their partner and say ‘we can’t do that, it’s illegal’ – if they are both enjoying themselves they are hardly likely to report their partner to the authorities.  That would put a real damper on the relationship.
 
Even if the neighbours started hearing screams of ecstasy – how do they know these people weren’t having normal sex? – Would they honestly have the nerve to phone up the police and ask them to stop their neighbours having great sex? – If this neighbour did have the nerve to do that how would that conversation go? – A knock on the door in the middle of the night – a rookie, red faced police person awaits the door to be answered (if it gets answered at all) – because this is of course the youngest cop on station duty and was sent out as a joke by the rest of the cops.  – He has to stand straight faced and tell these semi naked people to please stop having such great sex as you’re annoying the neighbours – who lets face it would just be jealous in the first place.
 
In view of this how would you monitor this – would a Government Official come into your bedroom each night and say ‘ok you can put your leg here but if you move it 45 degrees to the left that’s an illegal move, or if you put your hand or anything else in that area you’re going down’.
 
If there is such a thing as a ‘sexual code of conduct’ how do you know if you are breaking it? – It is not something that is ever taught in schools, It’s not something that’s easily obtainable – I know, I’ve even searched the internet to see if there are a set of rules for the UK – nothing seems to exist – I have settled on the thought that though some countries may have rules and regulations , as far as the rest of the world is concerned, despite what is written as a protection clause in a sex education book – in reality anything goes – and lets face it – that’s just how most of us like it!!